You Aren’t Who You Think


Claim: You aren’t the person you think you are.

Bullsh*t, right?

I mean, if you aren’t yourself, than who is?! And who does ‘you’ think he is, being you, when even you aren’t you, right?! Hell, you’re probably just him and neither of you don’t even know!

That’ll show him (you), right?

That was fun.

No, in all seriousness, can you remember a penultimate moment of change? The one that separates the person you were and the person you are? Like, the time you realized that the only difference between you and that popular girl was her talent with a make-up brush? Or when you proved you really could run that marathon?

Or maybe it was something negative, maybe a kid heard you laughing behind his back, so he turned around and kicked the shit out of you?

Let’s pretend that ever since then, you always shiver a little when you see him out of the corner of your eye. And maybe you start to hate yourself for that little shiver. And you start hating your reflection’s crooked nose. But, most of all, you hate him. That bastard kid that chipped your tooth, ripped your shirt and felt your blood.  

But he’s bigger than you so you keep yourself under control.

You’ve learned your lesson; you build walls between yourself and world. You go to school, ignore his ugly face that you’d forgotten you were making fun of in the first place and you listen to your teachers. You learn how to add fractions, distribute polynomials, bullshit friends and teachers, usual school stuff.

What you learned changed you.

Adapting to external stimuli makes whatever that is a part of you. Ideas and growth, is the same thing.

Ideas are freely exchanged between people. Ideas bind society together, from thoughts about the latest episode of Southpark (I miss you). Ideas follow the Law of Thermodynamics, and meld with people’s experiences and interpretations, and as they are more widely accepted, they become more chill, as each individual that accepts it into their system of values, moderates it based on their experiences.

Ideas tie any given culture together. But then, where do they come from? I mean, I know, us, obviously, but I guess I’m talking about tracking their roots.

You can be exposed to an idea, or you can generate an idea based on experiences. And every experience (that I can think of) is an inward interpretation of outside events, right? That rush from the perfect kiss, the adrenaline at the top of a roller coaster, the grumbling of your tummy, it’s all on the outside of your mind. Even though your body is you, you aren’t your body. No, you’re your mind.

So doesn’t it follow that every thought, every idea is birthed by outside events? Wouldn’t that mean that your high-school bully was closer to you than that one girl you sat next to in Biology and talked to for that semester? Unconsciously or not, he/she brought you to the realizations that made you who you are.

You carry the strength of your pain with you, everywhere you go. It’s you, but at the same time, it’s not. It’s that bully. Or your friend, the one that helped you get over the memory, or maybe even a moment in time when you realized that you were past that.

Every single idea, every judgment, every thought is inspired by the outside, and even though there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s not really you.

You have to strip all of that away to really find yourself. No ideas, no language, no morals, only your emotions and a body to hold them. Touch the tip of your finger to a thorn; that sting is you. The slight difference in the rushes of dopamine that come from eating and from playing guitar or the flute (in some areas, growth really does change things), that’s you. Your heartbeat, the tempo of your life.

Sensation.

That’s you, isn’t it? And isn’t it everyone else as well? So doesn’t that mean that life is all about affecting one another?

What do you think?

Are there any judgments, founded or unfounded, that create barriers between you and certain people(s)? (For the super brave commenters) after reading any of this, do you think you’re really open minded, or do you just say you are?

How full of sh*t am I?

Let me know in the comments!

(and if you’re bored, you can check out the free book I have up at my blog!)

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3 responses to “You Aren’t Who You Think

  1. Funny thing is that I did a post posing almost the same question and reached almost the exactly opposite conclusion. The only thing you are is your relationships – with that bully, with the girl you sat next to in biology, with the thorn that pricked your finger (actually I can’t see why you make a distinction between the thorn in the finger and the fist in the face, so I’m probably missing at least part of your point).

    The Hindu Advaitists found perhaps the most radical answer to this question. When you strip away all the delusions, conceits and baseless assumptions you are not even left with the Cartesian “I think therefore I am”. All you have left is citta, pure consciousness itself. And as all unconditioned consciousness is the same, we are in fact all one thing. Our bodies, our individual egos, our perceptions of the universe (which is all we can ever know of the universe, so is therefore equivalent to the universe itself) are simply adornments.

    There are psychological conditions (which can be induced even in ‘normal’ folk) that cause people to believe that a limb is something separate to the body – either something foreign that has somehow become grafted to the body or even another being entirely. Advaitists would say we are all suffering from a condition like this that causes us to perceive the universe and other beings as being separate to ourselves and the key to enlightenment is to overcome that delusion and realise unity with the whole.

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    • To tell you truth, you couldn’t have missed my point, because I didn’t actually have one when I was writing that. It was sort of more me puzzling things out, and trying to figure out what I believe there, if you know what I mean? But you took it a level beyond where I had made it! I was sort of feeling out the line between a person’s genetic capabilities and neurochemical (in)balances, and experiences and stuff in deciding who we really are! I feel like you just filled in my missing link! 😮

      Cause within the spectrum of infinity, life and everything else are basically nothing, I guess? It’s sort of a matter of reconciling your awareness with the concept of awareness in general? Because on some level, your awareness can’t experience any other awareness because it’s wholly unique?

      Omg! Thank you for commenting! And linking your post! This is one trippy, deep-ass rabbit hole right! xD

      Also, all of ^ was me going off on a train of thought. I agree with you wholeheartedly xD

      Like

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